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Review of the Javon Walker Celebrity Softball Slam
I'd like to start this post out by clearly stating that I was working at this event, I did not decide to waste my free time and attend this thing as a spectator.
First off, this has to be the loosest interpretation of the word "celebrity" in the history of the English language. By my count there was one celebrity (Tara Reid) and one good football player (Javon Walker). The rest were local radio personalities, practice squad quality football players and in some cases just random dudes. Really, Javon Walker and Tara Reid were the two people who kept this game from being legally stripped of its "Celebrity" softball game status. They were one actress/skank and one Pro-Bowl wide receiver over the "regular" versus "celebrity" softball game divide. With headliners like Walker and Reid, you definitely wouldn't expect to draw THIRTEEN THOUSAND PEOPLE!!!
That's right. There were thirteen thousand people in the greater Milwaukee area this past Saturday that had nothing better to do than to watch Green Bay Packers' longsnapper Rob Davis hit grounders to Milwaukee Wave head coach Keith Tozer. Actually, that last statement isn't entirely true...Rob Davis K'd twice in his only two plate-appearances.
Milwaukee Rapper Coo Coo Cal hit a sacrifice fly.
Like every "celebrity" themed event in America today, it would not have been complete without its share of reality-TV rejects...This game featured Kwame Jackson from "The Apprentice" and Ethan Zohn, the winner of Survivor: Africa...I guess we're supposed to know who these people are.
Najeh Davenport was a no-show for the event. The rumors that he was busy making a mess in the Brewers Clubhouse have not been confirmed
The award for "dude who took the game way too seriously" went to Brad Kitt, who won the WKLH Try-out. Each time he came to the plate he took a ton of practice cuts and I'm pretty sure he drew a walk...Yes, he drew a walk in a softball game.
Sam Cassell threw a CG three-hitter.
I was lucky enough to have a conversation with Tara Reid, and it went something like this...
Me: So Tara, how do you like Milwaukee?Tara: It's nice. They don't put WD-40 on the sinks and toilet seats in bars here so it's a lot easier to do lines of coke in the bars.
The after that Tara went and fired her manager for having her somehow end up in a softball game in Milwaukee...Okay, I may have made that last conversation up.
Tara Reid was asked how she ended up being in this event. She said she met Javon Walker at the Super Bowl in San Diego. I was hoping that the person doing the interview would ask her to define her meaning of the word "met". Translation: Javon is on a long list of NFLers that Tara has partied with. And, well Javon is on a much longer list of guys who have partied with Tara. I think most of you reading can see through my definition of "partied".
One positive from the experience was that I found out that there is something more annoying than local morning radio personalities...Local morning radio personalities hosting a celebrity softball game. That's all that needs to be said about that.
I just don't understand the concept of a "celebrity softball game". I don't know why these things are necessary. At least this one was to benefit a charity, but still...Thirteen thousand people showed up. That's more than the Brewers drew last Monday against Philadelphia. I'm not sure if the sports world has contributed anything lamer to our society than a celebrity softball game.
It boils down to America's obsession with celebrities. Watch VH1 or MTV and see all the reality shows about the private lives of B-listers. Well, I better finish this post, "Gridiron Challenge" is on ESPN now. I better catch this episode or before you know it I'll miss the next six hours of it.
