GTA: San Andreas

Okay, I mentioned playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas about a week ago. Since then I've received a few emails on a particular topic relating to the game and I just wanted to address it now and hopefully I'll never have to talk about it again.

Here is the sample email I've received...

"What's the deal between CJ and Big Smoke? What does the name "Big Smoke" refer to? Why do they share the same motorcycle all the time?"

I don't know why they share the same motorcycle on a few missions. I don't know why they don't just get their own bikes or why they don't just have one ride on the motorcycle instead.

Yes I saw CJ dance on the beach, and I don't know if he "danced gay". Just stop with these emails, and let me get back to talking about sports.

The Numbers Game by Alan Schwartz
I actually got this book back in November and finally started reading it last night. It's really interesting. It details the origin of baseball's obsession with statistics. I'm only about a 1/3 of the way into it, but so far there have been some really interesting stories or quotes. I feel like I'm one of those kids talking about a book on the Reading Rainbow. Anyway, some points of interest...

The ideology of Moneyball, found all the way back around the turn of the century...
"When you can't express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meager and unsatisfactory kind" - Lord Kelvin (1824-1907)

"I really don't care much about baseball, or looking at ball games. All my interest in baseball is in its statistics." - Ernie Lanigan

Paul DePodesta's great-great-grandfather?

"Without records, we would have merely a series of exhibitions, meaningless after the game was over...They give permanency to the game which it could never otherwise enjoy." - John Heydler, NL Secretary in the 1910s.

This explains why stat geeks like me have always been around. It's why we're drawn to baseball over other sports.

The first record of anybody dismissing batting average as the best tool to measure a player's skill...

"Would a system that placed nickels, dimes, quarters, and 50-cent pieces on the same basis be much of a system whereby to compute a man's financial resources? And yet it is precisely such a loose, inaccurate system which obtains in baseball...Pretty poor system, isn't it, to govern the most popular department of the most popular of games?" - Ferdinand Cole Lane

F.C. Lane also described batting averages as "worse than worthless". He also wanted to explore the affects of parks like the Polo Grounds vs. Boston or Cincinnati on individual statistics. This is a man who was waaaaaaaay ahead of his time. F.C. Lane had all of these ideas in the 1910s, well before Branch Rickey and Bill James.

From there a series of formulas were used to represent what we currently call "slugging percentage". F.C. Lane broke down the statistics of Jake Daubert and Cactus Cravath. Daubert was a slap hitter and Cravath was a power hitter (at least for the time). Daubert hit .301 while Cravath hit .285. Cravath had 24 HR to Daubert's 2 and 31 doubles to Daubert's 8. Given the new formula, it was apparent that Cravath was a more valuable hitter than Daubert. Obviously, this angered many people around baseball at the time.

This book is a really good read, especially if you're interested in baseball statistics and their origins. I don't mean to take anything away from Branch Rickey or Bill James, but the fact that the nacency of some of their ideas can be traced back so long ago is remarkable to me.

Eric Milton Signs Monster Deal
Yes, Cincy overpaid for ERIC MILTON. That's obvious, there's no point in mulling over that issue anymore. The question is: Why? I have a few suggestions...

1) They were in a bidding war and went over the top to secure Milton
2) They're ignorant and out-bid themselves a la TOM HICKS with ALEX RODRIGUEZ
3) This is another example of the market for starting pitching

This whole situation points to the fact that the market is imperfect (easy there, economists). Players don't sign deals that accurately reflect their value to a team. There are so many other factors such as interest from other clubs and the market value of a player that year. When MANNY RAMIREZ signed his huge deal a few years back it didn't seem as much of a burden to Boston as it does now. Still though, 3 years 25.5 mil for a guy with a career 4.76 ERA? I know sometimes you have to go over the top to get the guy you want or to get the player you think is going to take you to that next level. Nobody can argue that the Reds are one Eric Milton away from the promise land.

BROWNS v. DOLPHINS
Unfortunately my lack of a social life got the best of me last night, as I had no better option but to watch the Cleveland Browns and the Miami Dolphins in the Interim Coach Bowl. Wow was I in for a treat. It was bad enough that the NFL didn't cancel this game or at the very least take it off the air, but Miami and Cleveland couldn't even provide me with the cheap thrills of a shoot-out. It was a 10-7 game.

There were 17 total points scored and 15 total punts. There were almost as many punts as points scored. Mix in 565 yards of combined offense between the two teams, and the result is a very sloppy, bad, boring football game.

When the biggest star in the game is referee ED HOCHULI, you know you're in trouble.

Corvette v. Brick Wall
Although we didn't get the fore-arm to the grill of KOBE BRYANT from SHAQ O'NEAL like we were all hoping for, the game did live up to its hype. This is the most attentively I have ever watched an NBA Regular Season game that didn't involve the Milwaukee Bucks.

DWAYNE WADE struggled but helped the Heat overcome the Lakers. Wade seems smart enough to realize that having Shaq on your team is a good thing, unlike Kobe Bryant who somehow turned having the most dominant player in the game on your side into a bad thing.

Speaking of Bryant, do you find yourself wondering "what the hell is that guy doing" a lot? Obviously those thoughts come to mind a lot when thinking about his off-court life, but I'm talking about when watching him play. He's kind of like the good kid on a middle-school basketball team, and you just KNOW that whenever the game is on the line he's going to dribble around and then throw up some sort of crazy shot. He had 9 turnovers in the game Christmas Day, and still is under 40% from the field on the season. I'm sure LAMAR ODOM and CARON BUTLER are thrilled with that.

While watching the game I came up with the best reality-TV idea ever. It's called "FRONT ROW" and it focuses on the relationships and conversations of the celebrities in the front row at Lakers games. Wouldn't you love to know what SLYVESTER STALLONE and SUGAR RAY LEONARD were talking about? What about the x-rated comments PRINCE was whispering into the ear of the trophy-girlfriend he had next to him? This show needs to be produces? Does anybody have MARK BURNETT's number? Is it still 666?

Reggie White
I think you have to live in Wisconsin to fully understand what REGGIE WHITE meant to the Green Bay Packers. This was a franchise that couldn't attract any marquee free agents and was wallowed in 4-12 seasons for more than a decade. When Reggie White decided to sign with Green Bay it signified a change in the organizations direction. After White, the first African-American free agent to sign with the Packers came to Green Bay, it opened the door for other athletes to help transform the Packers from the joke they were into a perennial contender.

Aside from being arguably the best defensive end in NFL history, White was paramount in transforming the Green Bay Packers. He also was active in the community and, aside from his homophobic blasts in front of the Wisconsin State Legislature, was an outstanding person and I think that along with the fact that he was only 43 is why his death is such a big deal.

Varitek Resigns with Boston
Jason Varitek resigned with Boston to the tune of a 4-year and 40 million dollar deal. This is a really interesting deal if you look at it from a few different perspectives.

1)This contract means Varitek will be 36 when the deal runs out. Statistically catchers' offensive numbers decline immensely after the age of 34. Given the statistical analysis utilized by the Red Sox organization and GM THEO EPSTEIN, it's interesting that they went against some of the trends. Varitek's agent SCOTT BORAS compared his client more to CARLTON FISK, who saw his offensive numbers actually increase in his mid to late 30s.

2)Varitek was named the team captain, something that has only happened formally two other times in Boston. I know that it is common for statistical-based people to dismiss the importance of leadership in a clubhouse, but to me this signifies why Theo Epstein is Theo Epstein, and why PAUL DEPODESTA is Paul DePodesta. Epstein realized that Varitek was the heart and soul of this team and did not want to let him get away. He thought enough of his leadership skills to put the "C" on his jersey, something that isn't very common in baseball. DePodesta on the other hand dealt Paul Lo Duca in a deal that as time progresses looks more and more like a bad move. Maybe DePodesta's cold vulcan logic will be his downfall (either that or an owner who treats LA like a small market club).

Obviously Varitek's talent as a player is why Boston wanted to keep him. I'm not going to say pay a guy 10 million a year because he's a good influence in the clubhouse. I'm not advocating signing a guy to a big contract because he's a "leader" but hits .195. All I am saying is that leadership, although it cannot be quantified, is still an important part of the game. Do you think the Cubs would've turned into the circus that they are if a guy like CURT SCHILLING, Jason Varitek or DEREK JETER was in the clubhouse?

Going back to what I think this deal signifies, I believe that this is another example of how just because you're a number-cruncher and you have an Ivy League degree does not mean you can run a baseball team. I know it's en vogue to hammer DePodesta (it has been for about 6 months all ready in Southern California), but I think Epstein's ability to occasionally go against statistical trends and find value in the things that cannot be accurately quantified are what may separate him from the rest of the pack. Remember, it wasn't until this team added some defensive help tha they really took off. I'm not saying adding a 1B with an OPS of .676 with a slick glove like DOUG MIENTKIEWICZ and a vacuum at short like ORLANDO CABRERA is the only reason this team took off, all I'm saying is that you can't deny the fact that Epstein realized his team needed help in the field and went out and made those deals. Regardless of anything, he is the GM of the defending World Champions, and so far Boston seems to be having another successful off-season.

Christmas Observations
First of all I'd like to wish all of you a Merry Christmas (is "Merry" capitalized there? I tried it the other way and it just didn't look right). As we speak right now I'm at my apartment watching the Green Bay Packers play the Minnesota Vikings. Why am I not with my family? Well that's because, like the majority of families in this state, we scheduled Christmas Eve around the football game. Where in California Christmas is scheduled around breast augmentation surgery, in Wisconsin it's scheduled around football.

I finally realized how old I am now when my parents just give me money and told me to buy all my Christmas gifts for myself. Is there anything more sterile and lacking any emotion than that? Why not just line up our family in a single-file line and hand out gifts from behind an enclosed booth? Christmas used to be the most exciting time of the year when I was a kid, now it's just a dreaded social-event filled with awkward conversations. I think it's because Christmas is so close to Thanksgiving. I just saw all these people a month ago, the novelty is gone. We should move these two holidays a few months more apart. I'm on a pretty solid schedule of family events including Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas. We need to move Christmas to March or something.

And seriously, what is the deal with egg nog? That stuff is so awful. If I have a choice I'm just going to drink straight brandy and hold the egg nog. Tonight a few of my friends plan on getting together to celebrate Christmas the way it should be celebrated--by going to the bar. The plan is to hit up some of the local townie bars. Townie bars always crack me up in that sort of "how incredibly depressing" sort of way. I'm guessing Christmas Eve will be in a class of it's own. I don't even want to know the thoughts going through the mind of the dude at the end of the bar staring down at his glass for four hours.

Realistically though, as awkward as the "how's school" conversations are and as annoyed as I used to get by how many times people asked me "how is California", family-time is pretty cool in it's own way. Hopefully all of you will try to remember that the next few days, because I know I'm going to try to do just that. All right everybody, I am out.

TREY WRIGHT WINS 2004 SCRABBLE CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
I was flipping through ESPN and saw the 2004 Scrabble National Championship. Trey Wright won and literally tens of people cared. He does have a hot wife though, which does make me seriously consider dropping out of school and focusing full-time on reading the dictionary. One thing is for sure, and that is that the 2004 National Scrabble Championship is a more popular "sport" than hockey is right now in America.

Dodgers Pull-Out of Proposed Three-Way
Okay maybe that wasn't the best headline for the situation. Nevertheless, the Dodgers postponed ruining the franchise's chance to win as of right now by holding on to SHAWN GREEN, BRAD PENNY, YHENCY BREZOBAN and KAZ ISHII. It looks like owner FRANK MCCOURT will have to find another clever way to dump salary someplace else.

It has been reported that the Dodgers have signed free-agent outfielder JD DREW to a 5-year 55 million dollar deal. Drew is a very good player but has had injury problems. Why not throw that money at ADRIAN BELTRE instead of JD Drew? I don't understand it. Beltre is a better player playing at a position where there really isn't that much depth in baseball at the moment. What's easier: finding a solid third baseman that can swing it or a corner outfielder? Beltre is coming into his prime and had a tremendous 2004. Drew is a little older and had a good year, but I still would rather have Adrian Beltre.

Wade Miller is a Free Agent
The Astros declined to offer arbitration to Brewer-killer WADE MILLER. He was injured last season, but has good career numbers...

58-39, 3.87 ERA

768 innings, 659 strikeouts, 306 walks, 699 hits, 91 HR

He made 3.5 million last year, and coming off of an injury-plagued 2004 it'll be interesting to see what kind of money he gets.

It's probably too late for the Brewers to make a serious run at him, but he would be a great addition to the staff. Even if you sign him for 5 or 6 million a year, I think that's a good deal. Wade Miller is a good solid starting pitcher.

Pedro Disses His Little Friend
PEDRO MARTINEZ had some parting shots for the Boston Red Sox and for his little friend NELSON DE LA ROSA. http://msn.foxsports.com/story/3264344

Mini-Pedro was upset by Pedro's decision to leave Boston, but he was even more hurt by some of the comments Martinez made to the New York media after signing with the Mets last week.

"He broke my heart," de la Rosa told The News. "That's not right what he said about me."

Don't worry about de la Rosa though, he'll be just fine...This is from the article on foxsports.com...

A's Dismantle Their Rotation
I'll give BILLY BEANE the benefit of the doubt almost all the time. The TIM HUDSON trade was good. The A's received CHARLES THOMAS who had a nice rookie year, DAN MEYER who is a solid pitching prospect, and JUAN CRUZ who has a very live arm, from the Atlanta Braves. Given that the A's had to dump salary, this deal was good. I'm not so sure that Cruz will develop into a frontline starter like so many people have projected, I mean if LEO MAZZONE can't help this guy reach his potential, who can? Still though he is young and has filthy stuff.

The MARK MULDER trade puzzles me however. KIKO CALERO is a solid reliever who had good numbers in 2004, but he is 30 years old. DANNY HAREN is a young flame thrower who has had a lot of minor league success, and catching prospect DARIC BARTON has had a lot of success so far in his professional career. My only question is, how do you not get more for Mark Mulder?

I realize that they are dumping salary, but still, I would think that you could've received more.

Perhaps teams were scared off by Mulder's brutal finish in '04, but you would think he'll perform a lot more like the pitcher he was for his first 143 starts in his career, not his last seven.

What Are the Dodgers Doing?
I think the team having the worst off-season so far would be the LA Dodgers. Really, what are they doing?

So far they have...
Let STEVE FINLEY walk
Let ADRIAN BELTRE walk
Signed JEFF KENT
Signed ELMER DESSENS
Signed RICKY LEDEE

The problem with the Dodgers is that owner FRANK MCCOURT doesn't have enough money to run a big-market franchise. The proposed trade that sends BRAD PENNY (who the Dodgers gave up MOTA and LO DUCA for last year), SHAWN GREEN, and BRAZOBEN is a salary dump. They're not cutting salary to make a run at CARLOS BELTRAN or anything, they are cutting salary because the owner can't afford to run this team.

They made the playoffs last year, now they're essentially gutting the team. They still have psycho-outfielder MILTON BRADLEY. Can this guy do anything to get traded from LA? I mean he is a decent player, but there's no way he's worth the trouble.

They need starting pitching. They need bats. This team is not going to be good unless they make some big-time deals soon.

Kent at 3B, a position he hasn't played in 10 years. Huge downgrade from Adrian Beltre.

JAYSON WERTH, MILTON BRADLEY and who in the outfield? JASON GRABOWSKI? There are rumors they're going after JD DREW, which would be a solid move. Here's a projected lineup, assuming the three or four or five-way trade with Shawn Green leaving.

CF BRADLEY
SS IZTURIS
LF WERTH
3B KENT
1B CHOI
RF GRABOWSKI
C ROSS
2B CORA
(Pitcher)

Weak.


Their starting pitching remains questionable. If this trade goes down, and then they deal ISHII and JAVIER VAZQUEZ like some deals have reported, who is left? JOSE LIMA and HIDEO NOMO weren't resigned...

ELMER DESSENS, JEFF WEAVER, EDWIN JACKSON? You would think the Dodgers need to add another arm to this.

The bullpen also needs help, because they can't overwork GAGNE like they did last season.

As of right now I'd say the Dodgers are a 74-88 club.

BREWERS TRADE GINTER
The Brewers sent KEITH GINTER to the Oakland A's last week. In return they got reliever JUSTIN LEHR and outfield prospect NELSON CRUZ.

Wasn't it inevitable that Ginter would end up in Oakland? He's the poster-child for the Moneyball philosophy. He's got a modest salary, good power, takes his walks and strikes out a ton.

I liked Ginter a lot. He is a perfect guy to have on the bench, he could play 3B, 2B, LF and RF. As I said earlier, good OBP and good power. Still though, I don't think trading him is a deal that'll make or break the Brewers in '05.

I was hoping that Ginter would get a shot at being the everyday 3B, but if they break camp with RUSSELL BRANYAN and a healthy WES HELMS, that should be a decent platoon. The Brewers are betting that Helms will bounce back and be the '03 version of himself, not the terrible '04 version.

The Crew needs arms in the bullpen, so Lehr serves that purpose. Nelson Cruz is a highly regarded prospect--one who has five tool potential and could be ready for the big leagues by '06 or '07.

BREWERS PULL OFF A FEW DEALS
I was out of town this weekend, so we have a few deals to recap...

DAN KOLB to Atlanta for JOSE CAPELLAN and a PTBNL
...Kolb had a good year in 2004, but his peripherals were questionable. His incredibly low strikeout rate was a cause for concern, and he was heading to a big raise. This wasn't a salary dump at all though. Capellan is regarded as one of the top pitching prospects in the game, and could be ready to jump into the rotation as early as 2005.

SCOTT PODSEDNIK and LUIS VIZCAINO to CWS for CARLOS LEE
...If you are a reader of ATG you know how I feel about Podsednik. In a nutshell it's "great base stealer, good looking guy, terrible outfielder, low OBP, nothing more than a 4th or 5th outfielder". He's gone. I liked Vizcaino, but not enough to make me miss him too much. He's an above average reliever, but getting Carlos Lee makes up for losing Vizcy.

Possible Brewers lineup in 2005...

2B Spivey
CF Krenzel
1B Overbay
LF Lee
RF Jenkins
C Miller
3B Ginter
SS Hardy or Hall (if JJ isn't ready)
(Pitcher)

Not too shabby.

MTV Hits?
This station is a bad idea. It's description on the digital cable says "Younger MTV demographic...focuses on the younger MTV demographic providing them with the hottest pop music and artists".

First of all, isn't that what MTV is? Well, actually MTV is more interested in reality tv, so I guess they have to find a station to play music on.

Seriously though, "on the younger MTV demographic providing them with the hottest pop music and artists", isn't that enough to make you vomit? I all ready did, all over my keyboard in fact.

I'm going to clean this up now.

"Porn 'Stache" Signs with Los Angeles
Isn't this a perfect fit? JEFF KENT in Los Angeles. Sometimes all the stars in life align perfectly. Some people might think that I'm referring to Jeff Kent returning home to Los Angeles to play for the team he grew up watching. Or maybe the fact that the Dodgers have added a productive bat at second base (even though Kent does play infield like he has lead in his shoes and a spring in his glove). No, the reason this is a perfect fit is that now Kent is living in the heart of the porn capital of the world. He's just a stone's throw away from Van Nuys, Chattsworth, Sherman Oaks and East Hollywood. If he has a rough year he can always head right back into the adult film industry.

Craig Monroe Arrested for Stealing a $30 Belt
Detroit Tigers Outfielder/DH CRAIG MONROE makes $330,000 a year. So why the hell did he try to jack a $30 belt? How does that even enter your mind? It's not like he's a homeless person stealing a loaf of bread because he's starving. He's a professional athlete making $330,000 a year who tried to swipe a $30 belt. Was it worth it? I mean, he had to pay $500 bail and will have to go to trial now. If you make $330,000 you can afford to buy yourself a $30 belt. You might not be able to afford three houses or something, but I think you can pay for a $30 belt.

Monroe hit 18 HR and 72 RBI last season. 18 homeruns, especially in Comerica is pretty good. It's not like 2004 was the last big-league paycheck he's ever going to pull in. I just don't get it. $30 dude. That makes DENNY NEAGLE's deal look pretty good almost...Key word is "almost".

David Boston Suspended for Using Steroids
Miami Dolphins wide receiver DAVID BOSTON was suspended by the NFL for four games because he violated the NFL's substance abuse policy. Is this really a surprise? Look at this guy. He's about 250 lbs and runs a 4.4 40. That isn't natural. The only thing less natural than that is hitting 73 homeruns in a Major League season.

Boston isn't even a football player anymore, he's a body builder. He got way too big and reportedly started to lose some of his speed. The good thing about his size is that at least he can always have a fall-back plan as a offensive lineman.

Denny Neagle Receives $19 Million Dollar Oral Sex
Colorado Rockies pitcher DENNY NEAGLE had the last two seasons of his contract voided after his arrest for solicitation of prostitution this past weekend. This is the second time Neagle has been arrested in the past year, the last time was for drunk driving.

How great does this work out for Colorado? They get out from under Neagle's huge contract. You know if Neagle could still get anybody out they would have held on to him. The fact is that Neagle sucks and Colorado got lucky because they found an easy way to dump him without any strings attached.

And what about Neagle paying $40 for oral sex. Come on Denny, she's a working woman, throw her a little more cash than that.

The fact that Neagle's contract was voided because of this does mean that essentially he received $19 million dollar oral sex. I can't imagine it was worth it.

BONDS ON ROIDS: NO WAY!
The San Francisco chronicle reported that BARRY BONDS admitted to taking steroids, but says that he didn't know he was taking them. Does anybody believe this?

First of all, this seems to be the most popular confession in the world today. "I did it, but I didn't know I was doing it". Do people really buy this?

Back to the main point...Does Barry Bonds really expect people to believe that of all people, he would put something into his body and not know what it is? This guy is a work-out fiend (aside from being a 'roid fiend), there is no way he didn't know that he was taking steroids.

There are several questions now. First, where does baseball go from here? I know what baseball should do, but I know they won't do it. They should implement a strong steroid policy, but they won't. Why won't they? Because fans don't care. If they thought for a second that they would lose money because of all of the steroid controversies they would've done something all ready. The average fan wants to see a bunch of dudes with cartoonish heads hitting bombs 600 feet. He could inject himself in the ondeck circle and most people wouldn't care. Look at all of what baseball has been through, obviously the fans keep coming back.

It's been obvious to a lot of us that Bonds has been 'roiding up for years. Think about it, he's put on 35lbs of muscle at the age of about 35, had his hat size increase twice, and is frequently angry (aka 'roid rage).

What happens to Bonds' records? I don't care if he ends up with 900 homeruns, HANK AARON is the all-time Homerun King. Bonds never hit more than 50 homeruns until the age of 35. Hank Aaron's record is the most hallowed record in baseball and maybe all of sports.

This whole thing is absolutely sickening and I don't feel like writing about it anymore right now. The whole "offensive explosion" of the 1990s and into the 2000s was drug induced. It was fake. The last 15-20 years are almost meaningless in a sense. Who knows who was juicing, who knows who wasn't?

And to those who say 'steroids don't make a big difference', think of it this way. In terms of bat-speed, how many seconds are the difference between getting jammed and grounding out to short or hitting a 450 foot homerun? Probably about 0.05 seconds. You're telling me that benching 400lbs instead of 250 isn't going to make a difference? Without steroids JASON GIAMBI would probably be hitting .230 in AAA like his brother JEREMY. Jeremy would probably be pumping gas outside of Las Vegas somewhere. Steroids aren't going to make a guy off the street hit 40 homeruns in the big leagues, I get that. What I'm saying is that it can make a 40 homerun guy hit, say 73 homeruns one year. That's my point.

JASON GIAMBI ADMITS STEROID USE
New York Yankees 1B/DH JASON GIAMBI admitted to steroid use. He said that he did it in 2003, which was after his MVP season of 2000. Giambi had a series of odd medical problems this year, including an intestinal parasite and benign tumor in his pituitary gland. Many have speculated that these were steroid related.

Giambi obtained his steroids from BALCO, which is forever linked to Giants slugger BARRY BONDS. If this isn't a further indictment of Bonds, I don't know what is.

Giambi most likely will receive the harshest response to using steroids (with the exception of when/if Bonds admits it), since he is a good player and the first to come clean.

The biggest thing is that Giambi using in 2003 further solidifies the notion that baseball's steroid testing is a joke. I know it's a start, but it's still nowhere near where it needs to be to be effective. Maybe the fact that Giambi had all of these ailments might scare some players off of 'roids or at least scare them enough to force the players union to support stronger drug testing policies.

Some people are going to be outraged, some people won't care. It's the same reaction that people have to Bonds. Some people would be cool with him 'roiding up in the on-deck circle. Personally, I don't know how somebody could not care about performence enhancing drugs, but that's me. One thing is for sure, Jason Giambi better prepare himself for a media circus and a lot of nasty things to be yelled at him from the stands.

KRIS BENSON'S WIFE
Some of you may have heard of the interview with ANNA BENSON on The Howard Stern Show the other day. In that interview she talked openly about her sex life with her husband, New York Mets pitcher KRIS BENSON. She admitted that her and her husband have had sex in several different MLB stadiums (which is a really wholesome thought).

The big news however was that Anna said that if her husband ever cheated on her that she would "screw all of his teammates". I don't know if you are aware of what this woman looks like (FHM's Hottest Baseball Wife. Her website is AnnaBenson.net). I don't know about you, but if I'm on Kris Benson's team I sending up escorts to his room every night and buying him drinks out on the town and following him with a video camera.

I'm sure every fan and player won't let Kris forget about his wife's threat. I can't wait until the Mets come to Milwaukee, I'll have to ask Kris if he's still being faithful.

UPSET OF THE YEAR!!! KEN JENNINGS LOSES ON JEOPARDY!!!
Stop the presses, KEN JENNINGS has been dethroned as king-geek on Jeopardy. He was defeated yesterday by "Nancy".

Does anybody want to place bets on where Jennings goes from here? Does he get to host his own quiz show? Does he enter the reality-TV circuit? What kind of odds are there on him going on a coke-bender and getting caught with a prostitute?

Who do you think is more upset about Jennings losing: Jennings himself or Jeopardy's producers. I think the answer is obvious. Nobody really cared about Jeopardy before. I mean if it's on you'll watch it, but nobody really goes out of their way to watch it. People did at first to watch Jennings dominate, but that quickly got boring. Now that he's done it's back to the same old ratings for Jeopardy unless they spice it up by replacing ALEX TRABEK with ANNA NICOLE SMITH or something. Or do they replace Trabek with Jennings?

Jennings' fifteen minutes of fame are up but at least he gets 2.5 million out of it. Not many people get that type of deal. I bet STEVE BARTMAN would kill for that deal.

I'M BACK!
As some of you may have been aware, I spent the past few days in Las Vegas. I think Vegas is a place that everybody has to go to at least once in their life, just for the experience. If you like excessive drinking, gambling, sex and flashing lights, Vegas is the place for you.

After being in a city where liquor sales go all night and you can gamble on anything, it's weird for me to go back to a place where the laws are different. If I walked down Oakland Ave in Milwaukee with a beer in one hand in a prostitute in another it would be looked down upon. Where is the justice in this world?

I love watching sporting events at a sports book. It is a great atmosphere. Tons of games on TV, tons of people betting their next month's rent or their child-support payments and letting everybody know about it by the way they yell and scream at the game they have money on.

Another thing I enjoy are those commercials with the guy with slicked back hair and a nice suit telling me how he knows the winners to all of tonight's games. If he really knows who is going to win before it happens, what does he need my credit card number for? Can't he just bet on those games and win big? Wouldn't him giving me his 'winning bet' ruin the odds and thus the payout for me? It's all so confusing. Oh wait, no it's not. It's a scam. That's actually not that confusing at all.

It's amazing how much your perspective on a bet changes after you lose. Tampa Bay favored by 2.5 at Carolina looked pretty good to me, then after they played terrible football and lost I thought "how didn't I see that coming?" I guess that's why the bookie drives the big car.

All right I have some more stuff I want to get to. It's on the way.