RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM A 2,400 MILE DRIVE HOME
I'm back, bitches.

I finally got home yesterday at about 9am on my drive from Santa Barbara, CA to Milwaukee, WI. Here are some completely random thoughts...

The first sign when you enter Missouri on I-40 East says "Attractions at the next exit" and there is nothing listed on the sign.

"PORN RUINS LIVES" is my favorite billboard in Missouri. It's somewhat ironic because Missouri has a ton of "adult" stores all along the highway.

Albuquerque is a beautiful city under the cover of darkness. It's kind of like an ugly girl...She can be absolutely beautiful with the lights off. When you drive up to Albuquerque from the west on I-40 the lights look magnificent in the night, but then when you wake up in the daytime there are junk-yards everywhere. It's like waking up to some girl the next morning and thinking "wow she was way hotter when I fell asleep". Albuquerque easily has the most junk-yards per-capita in the world.

Is it a requirement that every tow-truck driver in the world be absolutely crazy? I wonder if it's also a pre-requisite to have a maximum of 25 teeth and a mullet.

Another interesting billboard was "Last McDonalds in Texas". I wonder if that scares people into eating there. Whenever a sign in Texas tells me to do something I just imagine a posse of Josh Beckett, Kerry Wood, Roger Clemens and Nolan Ryan wearing cowboy jeans, flannel shirts and cowboy hats all with huge chews of tobacco in their mouths coming after me if I don't comply.

"Don't Mess With Texas-No Littering $1000 Fine"

If you were knocked out and woke up in the rural areas of eastern California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas or Oklahoma you would have no way of distinguishing them. They all look the same.

My prediction of Jeromy Burnitz hitting 40 homeruns may come true.

When a billboard says "Good Coffee" in quotations like that, it makes me think that there's something up with the coffee. I don't understand the need for quotations on that unless it's filled with goat semen or something.

Contrary to my personal belief, the Texas Highway Patrol do not wear big belt buckles with the state of Texas on them.

The 1994 Ford Explorer is the worst automobile ever. Whenever I drive more than an hour in that thing the dashboard lights up like a Christmas tree. It totally gets into my head too. Every time I hear a little noise I think something is breaking inside the truck. Can you blame me though? That thing has broken down on my 3 of 5 times on long-distance trips.

Upon filling up at a gas station in Flagstaff, AZ, I saw so many mullets and cowboy hats that I didn't know what to do with myself.

Okay, that is all for this post. I should return with some actually baseball analysis now that I got this out of the way.